Want a Healthy Relationship? Set Some Boundaries!
Whether or not you are in a sexual relationship, we all have set some type of boundaries in our lives at some point. In every healthy relationship you will find healthy boundaries. “What is a healthy boundary,” you may ask? Well, I am here to define, explain and maybe encourage you to establish some of your own for the relationships in your life; this includes your partner, your parents, siblings, co-workers, your boss, and your best buds too. They are put in place to teach the people in our lives how we would like to be treated and what you will or will not allow.
A boundary is defined as an imaginary line that separates you from others. They are the limits and rules that you set for yourself and others that you choose to interact with. They are based on your values, and your beliefs. When you set a boundary, you are taking responsibility for your behavior, your beliefs, your thoughts, your feelings, and your attitudes.
Setting boundaries is often a difficult and stressful thing for people to discuss and put in place but they are crucial and a definite must for you to live a happy life. If boundaries are not set you will be taken advantage of and lines will be crossed that make you feel violated and/or uncomfortable. When a boundary is crossed, you need to provide feedback and let the person know that it's not okay. The boundary is worthless if you don’t enforce it and your relationships will be better and benefit from it in the long run.
A person with healthy boundaries is comfortable with themselves and is open to intimacy and close relationships. They are also comfortable saying, “no” to others when they need to and want to. On the contrary, a person without boundaries or with unhealthy boundaries has a difficult time saying no, they over share personal information or undershare and are unwilling to allow themselves to have close relationships.
Why are boundaries important?
Boundaries allow you to be authentically you
They are a form of self care
They set realistic expectations
Boundaries create safety
Boundaries create a degree of separation that allow you to have your own feelings, make your own decisions, and know and ask for what you want.
They mean that you value your own feelings and needs and you’re not responsible for how others feel or behave.
Boundaries also keep you from overextending yourself. You can't take on every project, work every shift, or be on every committee that you're asked to join. Boundaries mean saying "no" to things that don't align with your priorities.
It doesn’t matter who it is with, relationships function best when we know what’s expected. When boundaries are clearly communicated, people understand how they’re expected to behave. When expectations aren't communicated and met, resentment and anger grow. Unmet expectations are relationship killers.
Boundaries provide physical and emotional safety by keeping what feels uncomfortable or hurtful out of your relationships.
What prevents us from setting boundaries?
There are a few things that stand in the way and make it difficult to put boundaries in place. Here are some reasons why we fail to set boundaries even when we believe they’re important.
Fear
Ambivalence
You’re unsure how
Low self-worth
People pleasing
Starting anything new or doing something that you are not confident doing is a little scary but we are all beginners at some point, there is no time like the present to get started. Having that conversation about what is important to us and what we need is definitely worth it, you are worth it! Avoiding difficult topics or conflict at all costs is not a habit that you want to get into. If you are there, we can help you get out but sacrificing part of you or what is of value to you is not ok.