Sex Frequency
How many times a month should a couple have sex?
This is one of the more popular questions that I get in my coaching practice and the answer isn’t as clear cut as one might think. I wish it were as easy as saying 2x/week is the magic number that will take you to the Promiseland, but it isn’t.
Every relationship has so many moving parts and goes through different seasons at different times so the answer is going to be different for everyone.
I like to phrase the question a little differently. Instead of, “How many times a month is normal for a couple to have sex?” how about we ask, “How many times per month is normal for you and your partner to have sex during this stage of your relationship?” Yes, it is a tad wordier but the words matter.
We all go through different stages of our relationship or seasons, as some like to call them. These seasons vary in length and some are definitely easier to navigate than others. When couples face challenges or stress, sex often takes a backseat. When kids enter the scene, sex takes a back seat. When health issues present themselves, sex takes a back seat. When aging parents need us, sex takes a back seat.
There seems to be a common theme here.
When the season is a calm one, sex is a more welcome and frequent activity. This is normal and makes perfect sense.
The average number of times that American couples report having sex is 1.2 – 1.6 times per week. This works out to about 5 – 6.5x per month. Does this mean this should be your number?
No! Not necessarily!
This is where, “what works” for you and your partner comes into the conversation. If you both are satisfied with 3 times a week or 3 times a month, then that is your normal. The most important part of this sentence is the word “both.” Have the conversation about what each of you would like as an ideal number each month and then work with it. Making time for each other is important to keep the intimate connection strong. Knowing that you are your partner’s priority is a great feeling, it goes a long way in the intimacy department.
Intimacy, on every level, is important but as mentioned earlier, physical intimacy is often the first to go when things get busy or stressful. Sex has so many health benefits and can help relieve stress so it can be a win-win for all involved! I love to encourage couples to keep their fun times between the sheets on the schedule, no matter what maybe tugging at your coattails. This may force you to get creative, which is never a bad thing in my opinion. Have fun with it!
In short, your number doesn’t matter, as long as you and your partner have come to an agreement with the frequency that works in your world right now. Life has a way of mixing things up on a regular basis so this number will fluctuate and this is normal. Get in there and have some fun with your partner!